Thursday, July 1, 2010
being sick...and my goals
I don't know where I've heard this, I'm sure some of you will know, some movie or sometihing..."What a week I'm having!!!!" I have had the worst flu I've had in years, three days of not even being able to get up out of bed, twice to the doctor and today I had to get a antibiotic shot! I hate shots!!! This was supposed to be my last week at work before I take some time off for the summer, didn't make it in one day! Not that I'm upset so much about that but I'll miss my measly last paycheck! No art, no inspiration, no anything, I haven't even been able to catch up on "flying lessons", and it's almost over! I meant to do so much, find new inspiration,new inspiring friends and classmates through flying lessons but work and being sick has gotten in the way! I am feeling better after that horrible shot though, I must admit. I really "twinged" when the doctor told me I was getting a shot but now that I am feeling better only 8 hours after the shot i must say, I'd welcome it if I ever were to get this sick again which I won't,(but just in case)!
And today was supposed to be my last day at work, (don't know what I am going to do now, because i really need a job), but I couldn't take the heat anymore, not for the lousy pay anyway. I was going to spend the week looking for a job and optimistically and magically believed I would have one before the end of the week! LOL! But now I am kind of scared a little, I must find something soon!!
I have been combing a little through the rest of the content of flying lessons and find it overwhelming, fascinating, and great but I am also doubting so much... I am kind of afraid to say out loud (or int this case write it out)I am usually a very positive person, but as I've mentioned before lately and maybe since "Flying Lessons" when I should be feeling more optimistic then ever, because of the content of the course, I am feeling doubtful...is the market is too saturated with my type of art for me to succeed? There is so much out there and sooo amazing. Is there enough room out there for me?... can I really put myself out there?, what if I fail?, where will i go from there if i do fail?, will it feel like a job if i do succeed? and worse, for me, because I hate being in the limelight, what if I get attention!
Sometimes we really do sabotage ourselves, don't we? I know for a fact that many of us, not just me, think this way.. self sabotage...
I'm not going to allow these thoughts to bring me down, I am going to go one step at a time and not think about what could or could not happen, all I really want is to sell some art, make a living and if I can do that then I will be happy. Kelly Rae asked us to set some goals, I kept going around and around with it and never could come up with specific goals because all I truly want is to sell some art, to make someone smile with it. To know that somewhere in the world I created something that makes someone happy, is that a poor goal? That doesn't scare me, it doesn't stress me out, it allows me to just create art. I'm not good at twittering or social networking, I have to accept that. but one thing is for sure, I just have to be me. and me is simple, no stress, no self sabotage, no doubts. So I've come up with my goals: ( Because Kelly says it good to write them out) here goes:
1) Make art
2) sell art
3) be happy
ahhh...I feel so much better in both physical and emotional ways! have a great rest of the week!
On there's a painting I created a few weeks ago....No title yet... any suggestions?